The prayers didn’t work!!

I have been almost avoiding writing in here.  Last week we were watching Joel Osteen and he was talking about living a blessed life and how we need to pray for a better life.  At one point he said to pray for your loved ones that are sick and they will get better.  Melinda very quickly said: “That is not true!! We prayed for grandpa to get better and he didn’t.”   She did not say this with any real anger but with more of a “matter of fact” attitude. I tried to tell her that we were blessed to have had him in our lives but she was not going to let go of the fact that she prayed for him to get better and he didn’t.  So I spent a little time trying to explain to her (and myself) that it is still better to keep in our hearts the wonderful times we had with grandpa and the great memories he gave us to keep forever.   Today is his birthday and Melinda wants to do something to honor grandpa and thought I am not exactly sure what we will do, we will find a way to offer thanks for those treasured (all too sort) moments spent with grandpa. 

We are slowly finding our way back to the business of day-to-day life, but maybe with a little more appreciation for the loved ones in our lives.  We try a little harder to get in that hug goodbye in the morning before everyone is off for the day.  We also remember to call other loved ones a little more frequently.  

 

Cold skiing – Melinda concerns for dad.

A day of skiing at winter park on this Cold and windy day was trying yet good for mental health.  Pattie was not able to make this trip (due to the new job) but she would not have liked the cold and wind and cold.  Did I mention it was cold and windy.   The kids got a day off of school – yea.  They had to do home work when they got home – Boo.  It was a trip with the recreational center, and my first time on a ski bus. Of course it was full of children but it was still a fun experience.  Melinda was talking openly about loosing grandpa to a friend of hers and asked me a couple of times to explain (as best I could) what happened.  She seems to be dealing with it ok though she has developed a little extra concern for me.  As cold as it was and as cold as she was she kept asking me if I was ok.  On the way home Melinda wanted to sit with her friend but got her to move so she could be behind me.  She would reach up every once in awhile and hug my neck and give me a kiss on the cheek.  She saw me rubbing my head and asked if I was ok and if she needed to get some water for me.  Tonight every little stumble I make, she has to check on me to make sure I’m ok.  She has always been thoughtful but her concern for my well-being has defiantly become more important. 

What’s in a title?

Dr., Mr., Mrs., or more to the point Dad, Mom… Different titles bring up different perceptions. Dad and Mom bring up a number of different possible life roles. Dad and Mom – caregiver, nurturer, teacher, nurse, councilor, (hopefully) roll model, and so on. Husband, Wife, Lover – these roles get lost once the PARENT word is spoken yet it seems that we spend so much time as parents that we forget the other parts, the parts that make us who we are (or were) even when the kids are not around. When the kids are around I find that Pattie and myself refer to each other as Mom and Dad. Labeling of each other starts out simple enough as we talk to our children and tell them to go get their mother or father. After a few years Pattie and I talk to each other in front of the kids as mom could you help Melinda. She in turn would ask dad to help with this thing or that. Eventually we start calling each other mom and dad on a regular basis and now if we are not careful we talk to each other like that even when the kids are nowhere to be found. I caught myself doing just that today as I asked mom what she wanted for breakfast? I looked around and noticed that neither Alex or Melinda were in the room. Pattie is not my mom and she is much more than just a mom so why am I calling her mom. This is a habit that needs to stop. I enjoy my role as dad, as parent and all the perceptions that come with that role but .. – we (I) need to be careful not to lose the other roles of our life – other parts of ourselves, the parts that made us- Pattie and Randy before children and hopefully helps us to be good parents now. So though Pattie is indeed a good mom I will start remembering that she is more. And I will call her Pattie or Panayota

It’s a matter of time.

No one seems to believe that we work.  Some how because we work at home our time is not important and we should just drop whatever we are doing whenever something comes up.  If we called them at work and tell them that we can’t deal with our kids, we have this thing or that thing going on now, so could we drop our kids off at their work.  There is no way that that would be acceptable, especially on a regular basis.  But for some reason SOME people believe that we should be able to drop everything at their whim because we work at home.  Actually this little challenge started a long time ago and years ago we learned to just say no.  But some how the calls continue and we are suppose to feel guilty every time we say no.  It is difficult because we both like to help when we can.  The challenge is when it slowly becomes a habit for us to do it (whatever it is) and before long IT takes up all our time and we can to get anything completed.  I think we need to get a job out of the house just so they believe we work.  Enough of that rant for now.  Everyone just remember that when you work at home – you are actually working and your time is valuable so – STOP the abuse of those who don’t work at home.

Pattie is a pillow snob

It is true, I married a pillow snob.  When we go to bed and she lays down on the pillow she knows if she is on her pillow (or not).  If she doesn’t have her pillow she will take the one I am sleeping on (knock me to the floor) to see if it is hers.  She has one pillow for her head and one for under her knees and they can not be switched.  I will sometimes hide one of her pillows just to see her go crazy looking for it.  It is not long before she gives me that look of, your life is not as important as my pillow, and I giver her back her pillow.   DON’T MESS WITH PANAYOTA’S PILLOW!!!!   Grandma Judy got Pattie a new coat and a new pillow for her birthday so I will most likely get her old pillow. I think I will hide it tonight and see how long I can hold out.